Was so bored preparing my mid year paper that I started looking through the profiles of some of my old friends at friendster.com. How time has passed, its been 4 mths since I orded. Always thought I would have a fruitful life after army. Is that the case? I am not so sure now.

Flared up at 3 of my 4 classes today. Made a girl cry. Continued scolding her while she cried. Left a class midway. Threw worksheets in class. Tore up 2 student's worksheets. Hurled vulgarities. What's happening to me? I am not supposed to be like this! Anyone who knows me should know how I am like. But its just so disappointing to see my students not bothering to do my work, or listening in class. I really dun wan them to regret their actions only when they become older. That's gonna be too late. But they dun understand. And will probably not even after I leave the school.

No one's really helping at the moment. So I am just left to feud for myself, with the help of a few perm staff friends. Its almost like I have sold myself to the school. Its impossible to even have a bit of life outside. Its just school, school and more school. I am just a RELIEF teacher!! I am supposed to knock off at 1 plus everyday and have fun outside. Why am I staying back everyday and coming back on Saturdays? And the job, believe me, is hardly satisfying.

Gotta go back to setting test papers, which I only find out weeks after the other teachers found out I had to. And I am the only relief that needs to set 2 papers. How exciting. That's not including the 3rd class test I need to set, 4 sample essays I need to write for my students, 2 classes worth of English files, reading files, journals and workbooks to check, and tons of shit to mark.

How exciting.